“So … what do you want?” I ask my boyfriend one Saturday night a while back. And immediately, of course, he’s got an answer.
But I don’t want the same as him, so I say “I don’t want that” but I don’t tell him why.
He offers me another choice, and again I say “no, I don’t want that either.”
He probably thinks “third time’s a charm” so he comes up with another choice. He’s very resourceful, but I’m quick to reject that too. Looking at me somewhat confused, I see his brow furrow and his eyes get small.
“Well, what do you want, Gail?”
This wasn’t a new scenario when we were ordering take out.
Or anything else for that matter.
I know what I don’t want (that’s easy) … but I have no idea what I do want.
I hesitate. I don’t say anything, and instead of answering him, I get the local take out menus from the kitchen drawer. As I lay them all out in front of him I half-hardheartedly suggest a local Thai restaurant and I tell him quietly, like it’s an apology …
“I think I’d like mango salad“.
“Oh, so you want Thai?” he asks curiously. “Do you want mango salad?”
And as he looks at me and smiles with his big brown eyes, I’m sure inside he’s likely thinking to himself “good grief woman, would you decide what you want, for Pete’s sake“?
But instead, he says nothing, because he’s too kind for that.
“Yes, I say,” with hesitation in my voice ” I like mango salad. I, I think I want Thai“?
His voice is full of love, sprinkled with a healthy dose of exasperation, exclaiming loudly and as if there’s an audience watching, “Finally!!!! Finally she tells me what she wants” and then he laughs, and pulls me close.
“You just had to tell me what you wanted“.
It’s easier said than done if you’re used to making sure everyone else is happy.
Maybe you too have a hard time asking for what you want.
It could be like me with take out food, or a bigger deal, like asking for a raise at work, or even something as intimate as what you like in the bedroom.
Those of us who are too busy making sure everyone else’s needs are met, are worried that others won’t like us, or be happy, if we speak up.
Are you afflicted with the “Everyone Else Is More Important” dilemma?
Last week my daughter and I were going to watch a movie together. We narrowed down the selection to 3 movies and she asked me “so, what do you want to watch Mom“?
This time I answered quickly.
“Let’s watch National Treasure. I like that movie.” “Oh good” she said “that’s the one I wanted to watch too“.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
As a parent, you can be sure your kids are using you as their role model. And this is super scary, if you’ve got the “Everyone Else Is More Important dilemma” going on.
Because they will grow up to be just like you.
Catering to everyone else.
At work, in relationships, with lovers.
If you’re scared to speak up, I get it. I’ve been there.
I know how to change this.
And I’ve got your back.
What is it you really want, but don’t get in life. More money, better sex, fun?
Now more than ever, you don’t want to waste any time not getting what you want.
‘Cos time is tickin’! Everything is speeding up and you need to get moving, before it’s too late.
Working with me as your mentor and guide, we’ll create the lifestyle you want, using an in-depth discovery process. (We will also be assisted by my many, and varied, spiritual healing and channeling resources).
It might take 3 months, it may even take 6 months to get this, but that’s nothing compared to how long you’ve been dealing with this dilemma.
And I can guarantee if you make yourself a priority now, life will be different and easier in the future.
And you’ll be confident, clear and empowered. And getting what you want. And people will still like you.
So let’s get you whatever it is that your heart desires. Even if it’s just your favourite takeout!